Hear my Voice

Hear my Voice

“A woman’s silence can prove to be a misery to another”. ― JP

It was a boring day for me in my office and I was trying to fall sick so that I could leave early. I tried to finish the book Voices in the Park by Anthony Browne, but the dullness in me pulled me off by reading. I switched off my computer and told my boss that I need to leave early, he said ok fine. I took a taxi for Marine Drive, it was 5:00 pm, and the sun was playing hide and seeks with the clouds, as if saying “hey, this is the last game of the day, I may leave now”. I found a better place from where I could see waves and sunset clearly. Lot of couple’s occupied good space on the tetra pods. I preferred to sit on the concrete bench which was also a boundary for the tetra pods. "Sometimes loneliness is better than a crowd".

I saw a girl sitting alone gazing at the Sun. She must be about 20 years old, fair skin tone with rosy lips, expressive eyes and a charming smile that anyone could fall in love at first sight. She gave me a smile and I too smiled. She lifted her bag and kept on the other side and made a space for me and asked me to join her, with gesture. I was looking for a company so didn’t waste a single second; I slowly went and sat beside her. We both were quiet for some time. She looked at me; I asked her, what’s your name? She again smiled and pointed her finger towards the Sun which was now like a red ball all ready to set. I quickly guessed her name, ‘Surya’ I said. She smiled with great joy, and gave me a high five, for her I was the first person to guess her name with her sign indication. Though she was gorgeous she had to compensate for that gorgeousness, she couldn’t hear and speak. This detriment never worried her as she believed that as long as she lives, she could enjoy the pleasure as anyone else could.” Still my heart screeched, “Why did God made her like this”, he gave her everything but forgot to bless her with the voice”?

After watching the beautiful sunset we both started walking towards the nearby park.  It was a regular day; we sat on a bench watching the children playing excitedly with full enthusiasm. Suddenly, Surya was approached by a man who got off from the taxi and was asking her about a shop with the address he got. Surya was trying tough to grab the meaning by his lip-sync, I was watching him as he didn’t ask me, and perhaps he found me ugly in front of a fairy. I kept quiet I was watching Surya how she was tackling him, but she finally gave up and he understood that she couldn’t hear and speak. Surprisingly he started conveying the message in sign language. Even though shocked, I didn’t let the look emerged on my face and paid attention on what he was actually trying to say in sign language. He was appreciating her appearance her beauty and he was flirting in his instant developed signs languages, it was so humorous, I couldn't control my laugh, but Surya coolly ignored him because he wasn’t the first person to make fun of himself in public.

We got up from the bench and meandered the playing field. The greenery felt so fresh and the beautiful flowers could pull anyone's  heart. It was 6:30 pm and I was getting late for home. I told Surya in sign language that I shall meet her the next day. I couldn’t make her understand so I wrote it down in a piece of paper and conveyed, she smiled and nodded her head with approval. I met Surya the next day, I took her to my dance school, and all she could sense was the colors of costumes, props, instruments and students and dancers who were practicing for their shows. She was happy to be with me. I asked Surya in sign language, “Do you want to join dance class? She understood and shooked her head "yes". I cleared all the formalities and same day her basic steps like “Tatta Adavu” (In Bharathanatyam, the word “Tatta” means “to tap” and “Adavu” means “foot work”) begins, days passed Surya kept herself busy with her dance and tapings, she couldn’t hear the beats but she watched the other students and moved as per them, our teacher was also very much happy to train her in a little different way.

Karthik, was an old student in our class, he was tall, fair, handsome and intelligent, he took a four months break from dance school to prepare for his final exams of Engineering, he was just twenty-one years old, one day he visited dance school to meet his teacher and friends, he was distributing sweets as he cleared his Graduation with good scores, he saw me and walked little faster towards me and touched my feet in respect and gave me sweets (laddoos full of ghee). I was really happy for him, despite of so many semesters and project submissions he could still manage with his dance art and engineering abreast. He saw Surya standing beside me and he frowned at her and jovially asked me, “Akka, you never told me you got a pretty sister too”, “I said, she is indeed pretty but not my sister, my new friend she is, I introduced her to him. He was lost in her beauty; she was smiling at him, maybe love at first sight sort off. I slowly sneaked away and gave the pair little privacy to chat. Later, Surya began with her practice but she couldn’t concentrate on steps as Karthik was looking at her intently.  After the class we were heading towards railway station for our house. She still lost in the memory of Karthik, I didn’t know what, but something fascinated her way too much towards him.

Out of nowhere he appeared again in front of us with a bunch of colorful roses in hand and a spark of smile. He offered us a lift in his car, we were comfortable at back seat of the car and he was our chauffeur. The sun was dazzling intensely on the top of his car, but he didn’t feel like using his sunglasses as he could not see Surya well. We took the express way; the clock face on the speedometer stays lynching at ninety five marks. The roads were little empty due to weekend afternoon. Karthik raised his foot off the accelerator, the car started to slow down politely. He was so nervous, his hand obsessed the wheel tightly, eighty, seventy, sixty, forty, the engine started to tremble smoothly and the sounds of the hit of the road became more discrete. Surya was holding my hand tight, she was very nervous as she could see Karthik watching her from the rear-view mirror. He swerved off the highway and lurch to a halt. He opened the door and came out of the car and he presented Surya with the bunch of colorful rose and started smiling. His dark brown eyes delighted her and he asked her to join him for a coffee. Somehow she didn’t like the way he stopped the car without any indications so she denied and asked him to leave her alone in sign language. I was so annoyed by his sudden change of behavior; with a sorry he left us to our destination. From the corner of my eyes I saw her leaving the car in pain but somewhere she wanted to see him again.

The next day when she was alone in class for some time he moves towards her. A feeling of both nervousness and admiration did smack her but due to the little fear inside her; she left dance school without conveying a word. She messaged me, she want to meet me but I missed to attend her messages hence I couldn’t guide her. He kept coming alternate days to the class just to see her and to convince her to say yes for a coffee. Possibly due to his regularity she firstly said yes to him. Their togetherness began from coffee to lunch, dinner and to long drives. Surya somehow felt so secured in his company. She met me and shared lot of things about Karthik which she wrote in a foolscap paper, this was all about how delightfully they spent their time together. I suggested her to talk to him about marriage as I felt she needs a life partner.

One fine evening they walked down the seashore, the gentle wind brushed off his modest string of hair from his forehead and the moonlight approached his dark brown eyes sparkling the inner beauty of his adolescence, he bowed to her, and gazed deep into her eyes with a smile that enthralled her for a while, in shy she was quiet. He took her hand into his and they strolled barefoot over the spotless wet sand leaving behind their footsteps. She wished those moments should be eternal. Finally, she felt she got her life partner, her own world, which means a lot to her. He did see the modest diamond of tears of joy in her eyes. Surya indicated him asking about the marriage plans but he said he wish to meet her in a flat secretly at the outskirts. Surya didn’t understand what he meant, perhaps she thought Karthik didn’t understand her sign language, so she wrote in a paper that she would like to live with him as his wife, she was all alone and wish to be in a family forever. He got up with a nudge and shockingly asked her whether she had gone silly. “Who said I would marry you”, he asked furiously. It would be a shame to his family if he married a girl who is incapable to hear and speak. He left her alone at the shore. “I wonder, if our voice hurt others, then it is always better to mute ourselves”.

Surya was completely traumatized. She messaged me she wants to meet me. I said come over, and she came home and went directly to my room and was busy writing, her disability win over her bravery and the pain was really intolerable. She gave me a hug and said, “I love you a lot my friend”, in her sign language, silent tears rolled down her face. She handed me the letter and left the house. I thought Karthik said yes for the marriage and thought she must have written how she spent her time with Karthik in a little more loving way as they both were young and in love, so out of shy I didn’t read her letter. I got busy with work and other involvements; I also missed my Saturday dance school then. One day I visited my class to inform my teacher that I may discontinue with the school due to my work pressure and I waited there to meet Surya, I casually asked my teacher about Surya’s dance practice and all, to this she said she is not attending the class almost for a month now.  I was shocked to hear this; I was thinking where she could go without even informing me. I must have messaged her fifty times, “where are you”, hope you busy”, reply me once free”, later I feared what could be wrong, I changed my tone while messaging her, I was angry and tensed, “can’t you reply my message”, “where the hell are you Surya”, but no response, none of messages got delivered.  

I rushed back to dance school to know about Karthik, I came to know he got a job in Chicago and he left India. I took a taxi to Marine Drive to see whether I could find her there, but all my efforts were hopeless. I never asked her where she lived, as we were happy meeting, chatting, enjoying each other’s company. This time I was so tired, but my heart was screaming for her. I travelled by local train and my eyes were looking all over for her. I reached home and I threw myself down on the couch. The heat outside made me crazy. Suddenly I realized she gave me a letter to read, it was almost a month and I forgot where I kept that letter, I was very impatient as I couldn’t find her letter. God, have mercy, I cried and pleaded for help, I related Surya with many words and finally I found the letter from the book Voices in the Park which I left incomplete and tagged one of the page with her letter. “Sometimes we be so close with a stranger, and we get involve in them so quick, forgetting everything as if they are connected with us since ages”.

As I started reading her letter I couldn't control my emotions. After several enquiries I got to know she jumped from the running train, I could have saved her life. I tried to contact Karthik, I wish I could meet him some day and hand over the letter to him. I must have cursed him also from my heart. After a year he visited India, his father passed away. I met him with this painful letter. His eyes filled with tears and he said “Akka, I realized later that I spoke foolish that evening and he decided to meet her but she sent him a note saying she is leaving this place and moving on to other world for peace, he thought he should give her little time to reconcile the pain he presented her, but it was too late.

It took year and a half to recoup myself, but her naive smiles still remains in eyes.

One bad choice in haste can devastate your life…

"Girls who are incapable to speak and hear should be assisted well to stand on her own feet. Every girl is made emotionally strong to fight her toughest part of challenges in life and to move on over heart breaks”.

“This post is dedicated to those girls who cannot hear and speak and yearn for some attention in the shape of affection”.

HAPPY WORLD'S READERS DAY MY DEAR READERS